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One year ago today…

One day, one moment, one second, one action, one life forever changed the lives of many.  Mike lived life fully.  While he lived he was generous, courageous, an encourager, a servant, a leader, a protector,  a hero, not a superhero with special powers but human, a son, a husband, a father, my brother, my friend.  He gave of himself in all circumstances all the while harboring his own sense of unworthiness.  He struggled with his own imperfections & feeling of being someone of value.  He saw his own struggles as weakness, tried to laugh them off & cover them up by his easy going demeanor.  Maybe some of it was pride, for he did not want anyone to worry about him so he appeared to have it all together.  Maybe it was a result of the PTSD he was diagnosed with after serving in Operation Iraqi Freedom & other battles during his 23 yrs. as a proud Marine. Maybe his life was changing & it was a mid-life crisis.   Maybe it was all the maybes put together or something else entirely but we will never know.  My brother, my friend committed suicide one year ago today.  No note, no signs, one day he was taking pictures, joking around & posting them on facebook & then one day after that he ended his life.  Just like that.  If I could be transported back to that moment & promised one second with him, I would hug him so hard he’d maybe change his mind.  Maybe not.  But I have certainly learned that one person can make so much of an impact on people, be loved by his family & not really know it in is core how valuable he is & in the case of my brother now – was.  I have found the need to re-evaluate my own life & am hoping time will heal this terrible ache in my heart.  I am counting on it to.  So I am working on being intentional about adding value where I can &  taking it one day, one moment, one second, one action, & one life at a time.

RIP Mike (1of6birds(3)) – You will live forever in my heart ❤